I believe I once read in a fortune cookie that…. “people are as old as they want to believe they are”. I remember that as a child I once wanted to be a doctor, to save lives, to be the hero who rescued the day, the godfather-persona who everyone would owe a favor to. Those naive thoughts at some point disappeared, or rather just faded away from the overwhelming weight of the reality that surrounds us every minute, that embodies the hopes and dreams of our families, and manifests itself in the burdens that we are destined to bear. If reality is so cruel and unnerving, then why do we enslave ourselves in this misery, why do we give up those aspirations for the sake of an extra dollar, and why do we act like we are content with the lives we lead.
A good friend reminded me of these beautiful lines from Spike Milligan today…..
IÂ have a sense of future
I feel naked in today
Let me hurry into tomorrow
It gives me promise of perhaps
Let me escape these cloying yesterdays
I sense a better perfume
Let me wash away these footprints
I don’t want people to know where I’ve been
I want them to guess where I am
The irony of this poem is that Spike only wrote when he was depressed. Makes me wonder if truth is embodied in prose only when a man is looking inside himself for an answer. I do want to believe in the inner child in each of us, that begs for the beautiful autumns and the ability to chase butterflies in an open field. But alas, we are now all grown up, and we know better than chasing butterflies. So what are grown ups to do – work eight hours a day, hope they make a difference, and feel like a functioning axle of the societal engine they live in. If that is the case, can we call ourselves successful, can we call ourselves integral parts of the world we once once wanted to change, and more importantly, can we call ourselves grown-ups?
I told somebody that I wanted to be Kal Penn when I grew up. Although I was being a smart-ass at the moment, there is a certain uncanny truth in my belief. Not that I believe Kal is the Buddha incarnate or he is the epitome of indian alpha males in the States; instead he is everything that is despised by the establishment here and the culture back home. I feel somewhat obliged to acknowledge it – the guy is witty, has a sense of purpose, makes a boatload of money, has an impact on younger people, and finally has an important voice in the indo-american community. So does that make him all grown up? You bet it does. I figure I am reaching that “hence proved” moment in this discourse, so I might as well make the assertion I wanted to. That being grown up is not about the age of the person, but the impact he has on the people around him. Our choices are limited by the paths we predestined ourselves to walk on, so do we really want do wash away our footprints as Milligan puts it, or do we really want to the be grown ups and be proud of the those experiences and impressions we left on the people we came across. If you have read this far, you are probably looking for the right answer; and I would have to give my apologies because I too, like everyone else, am still looking for that answer.
It will take time for us to grow up, life needs to take certain turns and endure some tribulations until we reach that moment of realization that we have suddenly grown up. I can’t say I have reached that point as yet, despite the fact that I try my best to brighten someone’s day every morning and embrace people as they are. That grown-up feeling still escapes us only because we choose not to embrace it, not because we cannot fulfill the impediments that seldom define the grown-up person. Maybe deep down we don’t want to grow up, after all who wouldn’t want to chase butterflies in that open field.